A decade following the landmark decision that granted same-sex couples the right to marry nationwide, the author reflects on the profound personal journey that has unfolded since. While her own same-sex marriage, celebrated under a clear sky in North Carolina surrounded by loved ones, has concluded in divorce, this personal experience paradoxically reinforces the profound significance of marriage equality. It highlights that true equality extends beyond the right to marry to encompass the full human experience of relationships, including their often-complex dissolution. This narrative emphasizes that same-sex unions, in all their facets—joy, struggle, compromise, and even heartbreak—mirror the universal dynamics of marriage, underscoring that the fight for marriage equality was a pursuit of the complete spectrum of human connection and its inherent freedoms.
Ten years prior, standing beneath a sunlit sky in the Outer Banks, the author exchanged vows with the woman she loved. This was a moment imbued with historical weight, coming swiftly after the Supreme Court's pivotal ruling that legalized same-sex marriage across the nation. Their decision to marry without delay was a direct embrace of a right long denied, a testament to love's triumph, filled with hope and the profound awareness of being pioneers in a newly opened space for love and commitment.
Yet, a decade later, their shared path diverged. The end of their marriage wasn't marked by dramatic conflict or scandalous revelations. Instead, it was a gradual drifting apart, an evolution into different individuals from those who first made those sacred promises. Their separation, characterized by sadness, mutual respect, and the practical guidance of a mediator, mirrored the quiet, dignified conclusions of countless other marriages. This mundane reality, in its very ordinariness, offered the author an unexpected sense of solace.
The author posits that same-sex marriage, in its essence, is simply marriage—a tapestry woven from joy, challenges, negotiation, and, at times, sorrow. It encompasses the daily routines, the minor disagreements, the shared parenting victories, and the periods of personal stagnation. It involves loving someone deeply, and sometimes, the painful realization that the nature of that love must change. The broader struggle for marriage equality was never solely about the celebratory aspects of weddings or financial benefits; it was a profound push for the complete human experience, which inherently includes the liberty to conclude a relationship, to begin anew, and to grow as individuals.
The conclusion of her marriage, therefore, is not viewed as a personal failure but rather as a testament to having fully lived and embraced the opportunity that marriage provided. She reflects on how critics once warned that marriage equality would destabilize the institution of marriage itself. However, her experience, along with the universally acknowledged rates of divorce, stands as a counter-narrative, demonstrating that same-sex couples navigate the same intricate, sometimes difficult, landscapes of marital life as heterosexual couples. The ability to end a marriage, she argues, is an equally fundamental right, allowing for personal growth and transformation.
Far from feeling shame about her divorce, the author expresses profound pride in having had the opportunity to marry. They built a life together, co-parented their children, and accumulated a decade of memories that remain indelible, irrespective of legal documents. With a blend of grief and appreciation, they now step into distinct futures, forever shaped by the shared history they were empowered to create.
On this ten-year anniversary of marriage equality, the author reaffirms her gratitude for its existence. Even though her own marriage did not endure indefinitely, the fundamental right to embark on that journey was invaluable. This right to engage, to commit, and, if necessary, to disengage, profoundly enriches the human experience, and she looks forward to the possibility of future connections.