Unraveling the Challenges of Dating Without the Desire for Children
Childhood and the Lack of Maternal Instinct
From a young age, Natalia never felt the urge to be pregnant or have a maternal instinct. Growing up as an only child showed her that family doesn't have to follow a traditional mold. She learned to enjoy her own company and didn't feel the need for children to complete her. This mindset carried into her adult life and influenced her dating choices.As she recalls, "From childhood, I recall not wanting to have children. I never had that desire to be pregnant, or a maternal instinct to take care of children. It just never appealed to me." This early awareness set the stage for the challenges she would face in the dating world.
Dating in the 20s vs. 30s
In her 20s, dating was fun and straightforward. Men weren't yet desperate to have kids, and if Natalia was considering a serious relationship, she would ask about their stance on having children early on. If their desires didn't align, she would move on.However, in her 30s, things changed. Men were now looking to settle down and have families, which limited her pool of potential partners. In Toronto, especially, it seemed that most men in their 30s were focused on starting a family or already had children from previous relationships. This made dating more challenging and at times, discouraging.
The Frustrations of Dating Apps
Natalia started using dating apps regularly and found them to be both a blessing and a curse. While there were many men on the apps, she had to be careful as many of them wanted children or were open to having them in the future.She spends time reading profiles to determine a person's stance on having children. But even then, some men would swipe right without considering this important factor. And when she brings up the topic after getting to know someone, it often leads to disappointment. For example, she matched with a cute guy who had a lot of potential, but after discussing having children, he decided to end the connection.
Some apps allow users to pay extra to filter out profiles that don't match their preferences, but the cost can be prohibitive. Natalia can't afford to pay $25 a week for this feature, so she continues to sift through profiles on her own.
Despite the frustrations, Natalia is content with her life. She enjoys working, hanging out with friends, and being alone. While she would love to have a romantic partner, she's not taking dating too seriously at the moment and is making the best of her single life.